


Can't Trust My Mind

by fractalgeometry



Series: March 2021 Flash Fiction Prompts [7]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Communication, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hugs, Hurt Crowley (Good Omens), M/M, Other, Past Abuse, Post-Canon, Protective Aziraphale (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 23:15:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29940897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fractalgeometry/pseuds/fractalgeometry
Summary: Aziraphale turned and narrowed his eyes behind him. Crowley, who was now in direct line of sight to the glare, very blatantly tried to pretend he hadn’t noticed. Since he had been almost-unobtrusively following Aziraphale around for several hours, Aziraphale chose not to be fooled.“What is it?” he asked.Crowley’s lips pressed together.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: March 2021 Flash Fiction Prompts [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2193696
Comments: 17
Kudos: 84





	Can't Trust My Mind

**Author's Note:**

> This was my original fill for yesterday's flash fiction prompt, "enchanted". It quickly got out of hand and ended up being 1k, so I wrote the short fluff bite, but I wanted to share this too.

Aziraphale turned and narrowed his eyes behind him. Crowley, who was now in direct line of sight to the glare, very blatantly tried to pretend he hadn’t noticed. Since he had been almost-unobtrusively following Aziraphale around for several hours, Aziraphale chose not to be fooled. 

“What is it?” he asked.

Crowley’s lips pressed together. Aziraphale could feel the  _ nothing _ hanging between them, but Crowley didn’t voice it. Progress.

Aziraphale sighed and turned toward the far corner of the shop, where there was a comfortable sitting nook of pillows and futons and wall hangings that most people saw only as a pile of rubbish, just as he wanted them to. He sat down against the wall and waited.

Crowley joined him less than two minutes later, stood there for a second, and dropped to sprawl across from Aziraphale. There was a tension to him despite the way he was letting his legs drape across everything, a slight curl to his shoulders, as though he was trying to protect himself from something.

“I  _ think _ it’s nothing,” he said.

Aziraphale took a careful breath against the spike of panic the words sent through him, and stayed silent.

“I’ve told you how they used to tell me things,” Crowley said finally. 

Aziraphale nodded.

“You know the one I hate.”

Aziraphale nodded again.

There was a long silence.

“My head tickles,” Crowley said finally, quickly, as though he didn’t want to be admitting this, but he didn’t want to stay quiet either. “It just feels weird, and too much like that, and I don’t think it  _ is, _ because I don’t know anything I shouldn’t, and if it was I would, but it’s too similar and I don’t  _ like _ it.”

“Ah,” Aziraphale said, and took a moment to let some of the adrenaline drain away. “Would you know by now, if it were?”

“Yeah, if I’m going off past experience.” Crowley stared at the floor in front of his feet. “It’s not usually a drawn-out thing.” He took a small breath. “But how do I know it couldn’t be? How do I know they’re not trying out something new on me? What if I don’t find out until it’s too late?”

“Whatever it is,” Aziraphale said carefully, “we can handle it. We’ve come too far to be tripped up now.”

Crowley stared harder at the floor, arms coming up to hug each other across his chest. He shook his head slightly, like he was trying to clear it, and said, “What if they can make me do things? What if- I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t,” Aziraphale said firmly. “You would never let that happen. Besides, if they could do that, I expect they would have done it already.”

Crowley moved, suddenly, across the floor and into Aziraphale’s quickly opened arms. He began to tremble. “Feels  _ weird.” _   


“Breathe,” Aziraphale said. “Calm down first, and then see how you feel.”

“Can’t,” Crowley whispered. “What if- I can’t-”

“You can,” Aziraphale assured around his own worries. “It will be all right.”

“I just want to be  _ mine,” _ Crowley said against his chest. “Without anyone else’s little  _ enchantments _ or anything.”

“And so you are,” Aziraphale said firmly. “That is why you’re here, not there, isn’t it?”

Crowley said nothing, only shivered, silently, in Aziraphale’s arms.

“Crowley?” Aziraphale said finally, his own fear briefly overtaking rationality. “Has anything changed?"

“No.” Crowley took in a shallow breath. “M’ brain’s still weird, but nothing- nothing that shouldn’t be there.”

Relief soaked through Aziraphale. “All right, then,” he said, consciously keeping his voice even. “Ignore that now. Think about where you are, and remember that I’m here, and you’re here, and no one else.”

Crowley nodded.

“Try to take deep breaths. You know they help. We can figure out anything else later. We have time. We have so much time. You’re all right. You’re here, and you’re safe.”

Aziraphale kept up a stream of words that he thought became less and less intelligible the longer he went on, but from the way Crowley’s trembling slowed, it seemed to be helping. 

Finally Crowley stilled, and his breathing deepened, and Aziraphale let his words flow to a stop. 

“Most of the feeling is gone,” Crowley said after a minute.

“That’s good.” Aziraphale hesitated. “Could it have been related to the panic?”

“Maybe.” Crowley sighed. “Wouldn’t that be stupid, though? The more scared I get, the scarier the thing gets?”

“I believe it’s called a feedback loop,” Aziraphale said. “You might have heard of it.”

Crowley huffed a laugh. “Anyway, I’ll keep track of it. I don’t want any surprises on this front.”

“That seems like a good idea.”

“Maybe it was echoes,” Crowley said, raising his head and sitting back a little. “Memories that got bored and decided to have some fun with me.”

“That would be good.” Aziraphale blinked. “Well, not  _ good, _ but better than the alternative.”

“I think that was it, actually. Now that I think about it — feeling is gone now, by the way — it wasn’t  _ really _ like the real thing. Just close enough to knock me off-kilter.”

“And if it got worse the more you worried about it…”

Crowley nodded soberly. “Sorry I scared you for something as stupid as that.”

“Being caught off-guard by bad memories is never stupid,” Aziraphale said, as though Crowley never had to tell him the same thing. 

Crowley nodded acquiescence and closed his eyes, taking in a slightly shaky breath. “I don’t like it, though.”

“I would be worried if you did.” 

Aziraphale sat back, pulling Crowley with him. Crowley settled in willingly, curling close as though he didn’t quite want to go away yet either. Aziraphale laced their fingers together and rested his head on Crowley’s. Then, almost as much for himself as for Crowley, he began to murmur.

“You’re safe, you’re here, I’m here, our space, everything is all right…”

Maybe it was redundant, after his monologue of earlier. But judging by the way Crowley relaxed even as Aziraphale felt his own heart rate go down, he decided it was worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments welcome! I'm intrigued by where this one went, myself.


End file.
